⁹ Say, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Will it thrive? Will he not pull up its roots and cut off its fruit, so that it withers—so that all its sprouting leaves wither? And neither by great ^[b]strength nor by many people can it be raised from its roots again.
Ezekiel 17:9 NASB

When I was 15-16 depression and anxiety was at its heaviest in me. Overwhelmed, gave up, lost, and not looking. I was done. The years before I fell completely into depression and anxiety weren’t easy for me, not in the slightest. It wasn’t one event that pushed me over the edge; it was years of buildup from things I wasn’t dealing with and just shoving down. Now as I kid I understand when you don’t know how to handle something my reaction was just pretend it isn’t happening, push it to the back of your mind.

The problem is as I grew up that habit didn’t change. And at some point the dam that was containing all of this inside of me broke. Here enters deep depression and anxiety. The thing is what pushed me over the edge, yes was the dam breaking but it had been leaking for quite some time. I remember around the time I turned 11 it started leaking and I started to change.

Okay so here I am 15-16 overwhelmed, given up, lost and not looking. I stayed in this place for a while, choosing to believe the lie, “God I don’t doubt you, I just doubt myself” as if that was a reason to stay where I was at.

God is good. One day I woke up and decided I wanted not to be in pain anymore. I finally asked God for help. I prayed for Him to take over this process and I released control. Awesome! Immediately the heaviness of depression left me. The hold the enemy had left when I gave God control. But I still was extremely anxiety filled and I had all this crap to deal with now. Yes the process didn’t “end” as soon as the depression left.

Here’s something God showed me, and I have used countless other times in my life.

Where’s the root? With every emotion I was feeling that drove me into that dark place, was tied to an event. Something happened and my reaction or the product of what happened resulted in an emotion. Fear, guilt, anger, abandonment, doubt, confusion, laziness are just some of the emotions I had to deal with. With every emotion was a seed inside of me. And when I was younger and I didn’t deal with the emotion right away it from that point on started to take root and grow, producing fruit.
AND on top of all of that, I found that I had fed some of the roots causing them to grow more. AND once the root took place, I opened the door for the enemy to speak to me concerning said root which fed the seed as well.

God showed me that in order to walk in freedom He has given us all, I had to do some work. But He promised He would walk me through it all.

The Holy Spirit was on a mission. In order to get freedom from a seed, the bondage it had become I had to…
1: Identify what it was I was going to deal with (guilt, fear, etc…)
2: Identify the root (where it first was created in me)
3: Ask and Receive what God had to say about it
4: Remind myself every time it tried to come back what God said about it.

I want to explain number 3 for a second. A lot of the time why something was able to hold me bondage was because of the lies I was believing about it all.
For example, guilt was something I had to deal with. Guilt first entered me because of an event. After the event happened in my life I thought it was my fault and in walks guilt. In order for that to be broken in me I had to Identify the event and root (number 2) and hear God say it wasn’t my fault. He then would show me what was the truth.

Sometimes it wasn’t God saying that I had it wrong. Sometimes He would say, “Yes it was your fault. Now you need to forgive yourself.” That was harder to accept and implement.

This whole thing may sound confusing, that’s okay. It’s not me that will take you on the journey to freedom. God will. If you ask Him to work in you, He most certainly will. And know it will be work sometimes, on your end. I had to seek out the truth. Search and it was found.

What’s the root? That’s what God told me to share about. If there’s something you want freedom from, ask yourself what the root is. And take the first step in this journey. Ask God to lead the way, He’ll take good care of you. There is a way. There is freedom. Don’t worry about the details, don’t do this in your own strength. Take the first step and let God lead the way!

⁹ Say, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Will it thrive? Will he not pull up its roots and cut off its fruit, so that it withers—so that all its sprouting leaves wither? And neither by great ^[b]strength nor by many people can it be raised from its roots again.
Ezekiel 17:9 NASB

Sometimes in life it can be hard to know where to start. You just got a huge assignment from your teacher at school and you stare at the blank document on your computer… Your parents tell you you’re moving to Canada and now you ask yourself how do I start from scratch. There’s a pile of dirty dishes stacked in the sink and on the counter next to you, your mother tells you to clean it up what do you do first?
Overwhelmed, mad and lost… what happens now?

Okay so that’s a lot of examples. But the truth of the matter is, whenever you are faced with something difficult how do you know where to start? How do you react?

I know a lot of times in my life I’ve gotten frustrated and discouraged. Ugh why do I have to clean all the dishes, I’m not the only one that dirtied them. I won’t have time to do what I want tonight. There’s no way that this isn’t going to take forever…

Good news is we don’t have to do it alone. God is there with us in the small things and big. We don’t have to rely on our own knowledge of how to do something, our own strength to finish, or our own joy as we keep going.

James 1:5 (NASB)
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Nehemiah 8:10 NASB
…Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Remember you aren’t left behind, God is with you.
When you are faced with anything big or small before you move remind yourself to do it with God. Take a deep breath, say and prayer, and take a step with joy!

Something has been mulling around in my head for the last week. I have to confess that I should’ve said something sooner.

It’s not God.

Whatever has changed your mind about God and you’ve taken as a reason to step away from Him… it’s not God.